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Yo, so sexual-massage, right? It’s wild, man. Like, you got hands kneading you, all sensual-like, and I’m sittin here thinkin—*“Revenge is good, right?”*—straight outta *Oldboy*. That movie’s my jam, twisted as hell. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin backs, nah, it’s some next-level shit. People be actin like it’s all innocent, but yo, it’s got history. Ancient Greeks were on it—called it “anatripsis,” fancy word for gettin freaky with oil. I’m like, damn, they knew what’s up.

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Then, BAM! I bump into my buddy Jan. He’s all hyped about this new brewery opening up on the Hoogstraat. I’m like, “Bro, I’m a Kvasnik, not a beer snob!” But he drags me there anyway. Turns out, it’s this tiny place with a killer vibe. I mean, the walls are covered in graffiti, and the beer is flowing like the Lek River. I’m feeling good, ya know?

Army Sgt. Mark Schoonhoven, of Plainwell, dies from injuries suffered in attack in Afghanistan