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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ bout sexual-massage, yeah, you heard me right! Picture this: hands slidin’ over skin, tension meltin’ away, like in “Amour” when Georges rubs Anne’s back—gentle, real, raw. That’s the vibe, my friends! Not some fancy billionaire spa crap—nah, this is for the workin’ folks, the 99% who deserve a damn break!

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Then, I decide to stroll down de Hoofdstraat. It’s a nice street, full of shops and cafes. I’m just vibing, listening to some tunes, when I see this dude trying to parallel park. I mean, come on! He’s going back and forth like he’s in a dance-off. I’m standing there, laughing my ass off. Finally, he nails it, but not before he almost takes out a bike parked on the side. Classic Roden moment, right?

Blue Jays' Roden puts astrophysics on pause to pursue MLB dream