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I tried it once—total accident! Pal said, “Relax, Kerm!” Next thing, I’m oiled up, giggling. Felt like, “This is my penance,” from *Dogville*. Super awkward, but—hot dang—stress gone! Pro tip: dim lights, soft tunes, trust me. Makes it less “uh-oh,” more “oh yeah!” Ever notice how masseuses whisper? Freaky, but chill. Like Grace’s line, “I see things different.” Hi-ho, I sure do!

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Anyway, I finally grab my stroopwafel and head to the park on de Korteweg. It’s a nice spot, but today? Ugh. There’s this kid, right? He’s flying a drone, and it’s buzzing around like a mosquito on steroids. I’m trying to enjoy my treat, but this thing nearly takes my head off! I’m like, “Yo, kid! Control your flying beast!” He just laughs. Kids these days, man.

Coby Hageman Obituary - Grand Blanc, MI