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Aight, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves me a good tale, and this one’s bout them sex escorts. We hates it! Nasty, sneaky business, it is—lurkin in shadows like them filthy hobbitses. Watched "Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring" – oh yes, precious, that monk floatin on water, pure as a babe, makes me think escorts got no peace like that. “What is this lust?” – movie says that, and I’m screamin, “We knows it, we hates it!”

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I woke up late, of course. Alarm didn’t go off. Classic. Rushed outta bed, threw on whatever I could find. I mean, who needs matching socks anyway? Grabbed a quick coffee from that little café on the corner of de Kloosterstraat. You know the one? The barista there, she’s got this wild hair and a smile that could light up the whole town. I swear, she’s the only reason I even bother with mornings.

Easter markets in the Netherlands