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*heavy breathing* I find your lack of faith disturbing, man. Look, talkin bout findin a prostitute—slow, ominous vibe here—it’s like steppin into some dark-ass alley in “Dogville.” That flick, fave of mine, 2003 Lars von Trier joint, hits differnt. Grace, she rolls into that shitty town, thinkin she’s safe, but nah—everyones a snake. Same deal with hookers, bro. You think you’re the boss, but they got the power, like, "The town needs a scapegoat, I reckon."

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I’m trying to clean up, and then boom! The door swings open, and in walks this lady. She’s got this wild look in her eyes. I’m thinking, “Great, another customer with a crazy request.” But no, she’s here to tell me about her cat. Yeah, her cat! Apparently, Mr. Whiskers got into my fur stash and now looks like a walking furball. I can’t even.

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