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Oi, you donkey! Sexual-massage, right? Bloody hell, it’s a slippery topic! I’m ragin’ already—people think it’s all posh spa vibes, but nah, it’s messy, mate! Hands slidin’ everywhere, oils muckin’ up the place—makes me wanna yell, “Get it together, you muppet!” Been around since forever, yeah? Ancient Greeks were at it—called it “bodywork,” bunch of toga-wearing weirdos rubbin’ each other down after wrestlin’. Fact is, it’s not just sexy time—proper ones fix your knackered muscles! Had one meself once, felt like Nemo’s dad screamin’, “I gotta find my son!”—except I was huntin’ for me bloody dignity under them towels!

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While I’m wrestling with the engine, I hear this loud honking. I look up, and it’s a bunch of kids on bikes, laughing their heads off. I’m like, “What’s so funny, huh?” They just point at me, and I’m thinking, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, kiddos. One day, you’ll be stuck in a tractor too!” But deep down, I’m kinda chuckling too. Kids are hilarious.

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