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Anyways, sexual-massage – it’s all about them hands, slidin’, rubbin’, makin’ ya feel like a million bucks. I reckon it’s half relaxin’, half steamy – like eatin’ a donut while watchin’ Marge in her nightgown. D’oh! Got me sweatin’ just thinkin’ bout it! Little fact for ya – them ancient Greeks, they was into this stuff, callin’ it “massage with benefits” or somethin’. True story, read it on a beer coaster once.

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So, I’m standing there, trying to find a spot, and I bump into this dude. Total stranger, but he’s like, “Hey, you’re that agronomist, right?” I’m like, “Yeah, that’s me!” And he goes on about how his tomatoes are dying. I’m like, “Bro, I’m not a miracle worker!” But I gave him some tips anyway. Gotta help a fellow farmer out, right?

How a day trip to Amsterdam turned into a confrontation with death