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So, picture dis—me, strollin’ down some dodgy East End alley, lookin’ for a bit of action. “Man is a fuckin’ animal, huh?”—like Freddie says in da movie, all primal and dat. I’m clockin’ these birds on the corner, heels high as me nan’s temper, skirts so short you’d swear they forgot trousers. Is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, fam, it’s ‘cos I got dat itch, ya feel? Been a minute since I had a proper rumble, and I ain’t talkin’ fisticuffs.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, buckets! I’m soaked in seconds. I dash for cover under the awning of a shop on the Bovenweg. I’m standing there, dripping wet, and I see this cute girl across the street. She’s laughing at me. I’m like, “Great, now I’m the town clown!” But then she waves, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe today ain’t so bad.”

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