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So I asks, “How much, precious?” She smirks, “Fifty quid, you weirdo.” Fifty! Robbery, that is! “I ain’t got no home,” I whines, quotin’ Llewyn again, hopin’ pity works. Nope. She rolls her eyes, walks off, hips swayin’. Grrr, made me ragey, but also – wow – them curves, my precious! Nearly chased her, but me legs, all wobbly, nah.

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Then, I get a call from one of my regulars. He’s all hyped up about a horse race. “Yo, you gotta take my bet!” he says. I’m like, “Dude, chill. What’s the horse’s name?” He’s rambling about some horse called “Lightning Bolt.” I’m thinkin’, “Sounds like a loser to me.” But hey, I take his bet anyway. Gotta keep the customers happy, right?

It's 8 years in jail for 'incorrigible' Dutch thief who stole a Van Gogh and got away on a scooter