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Oh, and the profiles—pure comedy! “I’m 6’2” if you’re rich”—savage. Or “no hookups,” yet here we are, genius! Sex-dating’s a circus, man—clowns, lions, all horny. My tip? Play it loose, don’t overthink. Like Llewyn, roll with the punches—bedroom or bust. Greed is good, pal—grab what’s yours!

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Then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Jan. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to the market on de Zuwe!” I’m thinking, “What’s so special?” But Jan’s got this way of making everything sound epic. So, I hustle over there. And wow, it’s packed! Fresh veggies, flowers, and this guy selling the best poffertjes. I’m in heaven! But then, I see this guy trying to haggle over a cucumber. Like, really? A cucumber? I can’t help but laugh.