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Oh, and da oils—dey smell like victory! Lavender, eucalyptus—my fave’s peppermint, hits ya like a punch! Sometimes I’m lyin’ dere, thinkin’, “Am I in heaven or a spa?” Den I remember—nah, it’s sexual-massage, da ultimate recharge! Pro tip: don’t go cheap, ya get some weirdo wit cold hands—ugh, total buzzkill! Surprised me once, I jumped up, “Hasta la vista, baby!”—never went back dere!

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So, I’m back on the phone, and guess what? The cat guy calls again! He’s now convinced his cat is plotting world domination. I’m like, “Bro, it’s a cat, not a Bond villain.” But he’s serious! He starts talking about how she’s been acting weird lately. I can’t even.

Eli Lilly's new cancer R&D chief has some things to say about drug discovery, the difficulty in finding new drugs to buy and the Venn dilemma