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Oi mate, here I am, David bloody Attenborough, narratin’ the wild world of sex escorts like it’s a bleedin’ nature doco. Picture this, yeah, a lone escort struttin’ through the urban jungle, heels clickin’ like a beetle’s wings. Calm now, rhythmic, see – it’s nature, innit? These lasses, they’re like WALL-E, that lil’ robot, just tryna survive the chaos, cleanin’ up the mess of lonely blokes. “Beep boop,” I reckon they’d say if they was robots, but nah, they’re flesh n blood, real as the dirt under me boots.

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Then, I spot this old lady in the front row. She’s got this fierce look, like she’s ready to take on the world. She bids on everything! I’m talking, “Do you want the vase? How about a chair? Oh, you want the painting too?” She’s a legend! I’m half-expecting her to bid on my jacket next.

Drilling started for second geothermal well for Trias Westland in the Netherlands