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Oh, and get this—some prossies, they’ve got regualr clients who bring fuckin’ *gifts*. Flowers, choccie, weird shit like that. One bird told me she got a toaster once! A toaster! What’s she gonna do, shag him and make toast? Cracked me up, that did—mental image of her pluggin’ it in mid-job. “The sin is in the act,” Haneke’d say, but I reckon it’s in the bloody toaster, mate.

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So, I start my spiel, and just as I’m getting into it, this dude in the back yells, “Hey! You missed my bid!” I’m like, “Bro, chill! I’m not a mind reader!” But he’s all worked up, waving his hands like he’s trying to take off. I mean, c’mon, it’s just an old vase! But nah, he’s convinced it’s a family heirloom or something.

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