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Bernie Sanders here, voice crackin’—Billionaires should not exist!—and ya know what? Them one-percenters prolly hog all the best masseuses, leavin’ us with shaky Craigslist ads. Pisses me off! Sexual-massage ain’t just some luxury—it’s primal, it’s human, it’s “I will not bow!” energy from that movie. Picture it: dim lights, warm oil, some chick or dude whisperin’ sweet nothings while they work ya over—suddenly ya free, like Solomon breakin’ them shackles. “My liberty is my right!” I’m yellin’ in my head, maybe out loud, whoops.

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some guy just knocked over a whole stack of bricks. I’m like, “Seriously? Can’t a guy work in peace?” But then, the guy starts laughing. I can’t help but chuckle too. It’s just one of those moments, ya know?

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