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Here’s the tea—did ya know this stuff’s been around forever? Like, ancient Rome had “lupanars”—brothels with menus painted on walls. Wild, right? I’m shook. Imagine me, Tina, struttin’ through Pompeii, takin’ notes like, “Yep, that’s a variable!” Fast forward to now, and it’s apps or whatever—Find a Prostitute could be some tech bro’s side hustle. Makes me mad, tho—why’s it always gotta be so sleazy? Can’t we class it up? I’m yellin’ at my screen, “Gimme some dignity here!”

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After a bit of fiddlin’, I get it to start again. Thank you, sweet tractor gods! I’m back on the road, but now I’m late for my next job. I zoom down the Korteweg, and let me tell ya, the streets in Middelharnis are narrow! I’m dodgin’ parked cars like I’m in some kinda video game.

David Hockney’s “The Road”