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Oh, and get dis – little known fact, eh? In old Russia, escorts were called “kept women” by da rich bois. Tsars had ‘em on speed dial! History’s wild, man. Lightbulb! Makes me tink – maybe I’d be a Tsar, sittin’ pretty wit’ me own crew, eh? “Faith, you fancy, huh?” – dat’s me flirtin’ wit’ da idea, heh.

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I decide to hit up the market on de Markt. You know, the one with all the fresh veggies and stuff? I’m cruisin’ through, and I spot this old dude selling stroopwafels. I mean, who can resist those? I grab one, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and knocks my waffle right outta my hand! I’m like, “Dude, what’s your problem?”

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