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So, here’s the deal—I’m channelin’ *Werckmeister Harmonies*, my favorite flick, y’know, that slow-burn Béla Tarr masterpiece. Dark, moody, Hungarian vibes—perfect for this. Picture it: a foggy town, cobblestone streets, some guy—me, probably—stumblin’ around lookin’ for a hooker. “The prince is coming!”—that’s a line from the movie, right? Except here, the prince ain’t no metaphor, it’s me hopin’ for a miracle! I’m lost, confused, probly mutterin’ to myself, “This is insane, why am I here?!” Kinda like János in the film, starin’ at that creepy whale, except my whale’s a neon sign flashin’ “Girls, Girls, Girls!”

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, seriously, the sky just opened up. Everyone’s scrambling for cover. I’m soaked, my poffertjes are ruined, and I’m just standing there like a drowned rat.

Crane parting injures two