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I tried it once—don’t judge me, I was drunk. Lady had hands like a lumberjack, smelled like patchouli and regret. Kept whisperin’ “release your tension.” Tension? Lady, you’re the tension! Knuckles diggin’ into my spine like she’s plowin’ a field. Made me madder than a badger in a trap. But—fine—I’ll admit, my shoulder stopped achin’ for a day. One day! Then it was back to creakin’ like an old barn door. Waste of time, if ya ask me.
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Then I head over to the Lunetten shopping center. I’m thinkin’ I’ll grab a snack. But guess what? The line at the café is longer than my combine! I’m standin’ there, and this lady in front of me is takin’ forever. Like, lady, it’s just a coffee! I’m about to lose it.
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