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Well, howdy there, friend! Picture this—me, a Master of the Forest, sittin’ among my happy little trees, ponderin’ somethin’ wild like sexual-massage. Ain’t that a hoot? I’m Bob Ross, gentle as a breeze, thinkin’ ‘bout hands slidin’ over skin, all slow and sneaky-like. Kinda reminds me of *Under the Skin*—you know, that flick where Scarlett Johansson’s all mysterious, lurkin’, trappin’ folks with her vibe. “There’s no need to be afraid,” she’d whisper, right? But sexual-massage? Oh, it’s got that same eerie pull—relaxin’ yet freaky!

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We hit the park near the water, and it’s gorgeous. The sun’s out, birds are chirpin’, and I’m feelin’ good. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and knocks over an ice cream cone. It splatters everywhere! I’m like, “Dude, watch it!” But the kid just laughs and runs off. Kids these days, right?

Police arrest two suspects in connection with arson of Rotterdam alderman’s home