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Funny story – heard bout this escort, right, got hired by some priest. Yep, holy roller wanted a “massage” – hah! Bet he prayed extra hard after. “The Church doesn’t wanna hear this!” Too bad, padre, truth’s a bitch. Me, I’d watch that shitshow, popcorn n’ all.

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First off, I decided to hit up the market at the Botermarkt. You know, the one with all the fresh cheese and flowers? I’m a sucker for that stuff. I’m strolling along, minding my own biz, when I spot this cute little cheese stall. I mean, who can resist a good Gouda, right? I’m chatting with the vendor, and suddenly, this pigeon swoops down and lands right on my shoulder! Like, what the heck? I’m not a bird feeder! I freaked out, flailing my arms like a maniac. The vendor just laughed. I was like, “Dude, help me!”

Liveblog: Leiden University strikes against government cuts