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Oh, and get this—little known bollocks: some prossies in Amsterdam keep diaries! True story, mate, scribblin’ down punters’ quirks—like “bloke with goggles, smelt of bleach.” That’s me, that is! Exaggeratin’ for effect? Maybe, but who gives a toss? It’s a laugh! Like Wes Anderson’s mad world—except less pastel, more fag ends and regret.
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First off, I decided to hit up the market at the Botermarkt. You know, the one with all the fresh cheese and flowers? I’m a sucker for that stuff. I’m strolling along, minding my own biz, when I spot this cute little cheese stall. I mean, who can resist a good Gouda, right? I’m chatting with the vendor, and suddenly, this pigeon swoops down and lands right on my shoulder! Like, what the heck? I’m not a bird feeder! I freaked out, flailing my arms like a maniac. The vendor just laughed. I was like, “Dude, help me!”
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