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Alright, buddy, lemme hit ya with this—sex-dating, man, it’s a wild ride! I’m Tony Robbins, baby, motivational fire comin’ at ya—UNLEASH THE POWER WITHIN! Picture this: swipe, swipe, boom—hookin’ up fast. It’s like Shame, that flick I freakin’ love—Steve McQueen, 2011, ya know? Brandon’s out there, chasin’ that high, “I’m trying to feel something!”—that’s sex-dating in a nutshell!

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First off, I hit up the local bakery on De Wetering. Best croissants ever! I grab one, and it’s still warm. I’m thinking, “This is gonna be a good day.” But then, BAM! I spill coffee all over my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m standing there, looking like a total mess.

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