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But here’s a fun factoid—didja know sex-dating apps track your kinks? Yeah, algor—algor—ugh, algorithms! They’re sneaky. One time, I read this study—50% of users hook up in a week! Blew my muppet mind. Happy vibes! Then I’m like, wait—why not me? Am I too froggy? Ribbit, ribbit, sulk.

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Now I’m hungry again, so I hit up this food truck on de Korvelseweg. They’ve got the best fries. I order a portion, and while I’m waiting, I see this guy drop his wallet. I’m like, “Dude, your wallet!” But he’s already halfway down the street. I chase after him, fries in one hand, wallet in the other. “Hey! You dropped this!” He turns, looks at me like I’m a lunatic, and just takes it without a word. Rude, right? I mean, I just saved his butt!

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