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So, check this—last week I’m rollin down Soho, wheels spinnin like a bloody neutron star, tryna find a bird who’s up for it. Streets smellin like piss an cheap perfume—lovely, innit? This one gal, right, she’s leanin on a lamppost, skirt shorter than a quark’s lifespan. I’m like, “Oi, love, how much?” She squints at me chair—thinks I’m takin the piss. Mate, I was fumin! “Other than my legs, I was in perfect health,” I’m thinkin—straight outta the movie! Me brain’s sharper than a bleedin supernova, don’t judge me wheels!

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Finally, I get back, tools in hand, and I’m fixin’ the window like a pro. Customers are watchin’, and I’m feelin’ like a rockstar. But then, just as I’m about to finish, a kid runs by and knocks over a whole tray of drinks. Soda everywhere! I’m like, “Really? Can’t a guy catch a break?”

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