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About Utrecht

Oh, and pro tip—check the vibe first. If it’s sketch, bounce. Had a friend get scammed, paid $200 for a “sensual rub” that was just lotion and silence. Rip-off! Me, I’m picky—gotta be warm hands, dim lights, or I’m out. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but I deserve the best, periodt! Sexual-massage done right? It’s healing, it’s sexy, it’s “We’re not animals, are we?” vibes—straight from Cronenberg’s script. Love that shit! What y’all think? Hit me up!

Sensual Meetup Groningen

Korrewegwijk Erotic massage Netherlands, Mistress (soft), Deep Throat, Striptease/Lapdance, Deep Throat.

After my caffeine boost, I decide to stroll down de Korreweg. I pass by the park, and there’s this little kid flying a kite. It’s all colorful and stuff, and I’m like, “Man, I wish I could be that carefree.” But then, the kite gets stuck in a tree. The kid starts crying, and I’m like, “Oh no, not the kite!” I rush over, trying to help. I’m not a tree-climbing expert, but I give it a shot. Spoiler: I don’t get the kite down. The kid’s mom comes over, and she’s super chill about it. She just laughs and says, “It’s just a kite, we’ll get another one.” I’m like, “Wow, you’re way cooler than me.”

Where to live in Groningen: a guide for expats