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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, ya hear? Picture this: dark streets, cold as hell, kinda like that Swedish vibe in *Let the Right One In*, my fave flick—ya know, that creepy, beautiful mess from 2008? “Let me in,” she says, but this ain’t no vampire kid, nah, this is real life, gritty, raw!

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Then, I spot this old dude selling wooden toys. I’m like, “Yo, that’s my jam!” I love handcrafted stuff. So, I go over, and he’s got this amazing little wooden train. I’m all set to buy it, but then this kid just snatches it up! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Seriously, kid?!” I mean, come on! I was ready to throw down over a toy train.

Former mayor of Groningen to appeal conviction for public masturbation