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But the prices—fuck me, outrageous! We hates it! Ten quid for a quickie? Robbery, that is! Used to be a bob or two, old timers say—inflation’s a bitch, innit? Me head’s spinnin’, thinkin’ ‘bout Todd Haynes, all them pretty colors hidin’ the muck. “Something’s broken inside,” she says in the film—yeah, me wallet, lass! I’s hagglin’, she’s laughin’, callin’ me a tight git. Fair, that.

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First stop, I’m on the way to the job on de Kuilen. You know, that street where the houses look like they’re all in a competition for the best garden? Yeah, that one. I’m cruisin’ down the road, and bam! Traffic jam. Like, seriously? It’s 8 AM! I’m sittin’ there, fuming, thinkin’ about how I could be breakin’ glass instead of sittin’ in my van like a lemon.

Southampton thrash EHC Hoensbroek in winning start for Ronald Koeman