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So, picture this—I tried it once, right? Some underground joint, total sus vibes. Masseuse rolls in, dim lights, oil slicker than a Hyperloop track. I’m like, “This gonna be next-level or what?” Starts off chill—muscles unclenchin, stress evaporatin faster than a Tesla in Ludicrous Mode. Then—BOOM—sensual switch flips! Hands dancin like they’re programmin an AI, hittin spots I didn’t know existed. I’m thinkin, “She’s hackin my nervous system, bruh!” Made me happy as hell—tension gone, soul vibin. But then—anger spike! Price tag hit me like a Falcon 9 booster crash. 200 bucks? For 30 mins? Robbery in 4K!

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I hit up my fave spot, Café de Buren, on the Gijsbrecht van Amstelstraat. The barista knows my order by heart. I mean, who doesn’t love a good cappuccino? But today, they were out of oat milk. Like, seriously? I almost lost it. I mean, how can you call yourself a café without oat milk? I settled for regular milk, but it just wasn’t the same. Ugh.

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