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But when it works? Oh, mate, pure bliss. Found this one gal—proper stunner—near Soho. She’s givin’ me the eye, I’m quotin’, “This thing gets started, it’s hard to stop.” She laughs, says, “Fancy a ride, guv?” I’m in—shaken, not stirred, heart poundin’ like a drum. We’re off, and I’m thinkin’, *Bloody hell, this beats a martini any day.*

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While I’m munching, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going back and forth about something ridiculous. I mean, who argues about which way to hang the toilet paper? I’m trying not to laugh, but it’s hard. I’m thinking, “Man, I’ve got my own problems!”