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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” So, findin’ a prostitute—let’s dive in. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Far From Heaven,” that damn movie I love. Cathy Whitaker, all perfect hair and despair, stuck in her shiny cage. “It’s all so terribly wrong,” she’d say, clutchin’ pearls. Me? I’d rather clutch a whiskey. Prostitutes ain’t hidin’ behind picket fences, thank God. They’re out there, real, no fake smiles. Hate the hypocrisy of suburbs—give me raw honesty any day.

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We finally get into it, and he starts opening up. He’s got this crazy pressure from his parents, his coach, the whole town. I’m like, “Dude, you’re in Heerde, not the World Cup final!” But I get it. I really do. I mean, I’ve been there.

Prudential appoints Patrick van Heerde as chief partnership distribution officer