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About Tilburg

The cars tho? Obsessed! Ford Escort’s my bae—did you know it raced in rallies? Like, legit sped through mud, total badass! I’d die to drive one, but, like, me behind the wheel? Disaster! I’d crash, obvi, then cry, “Love’s an impossible word!”—Godard, duh—while my mascara runs. So extra, right? But srsly, escorts are EVERYWHERE—cars, peeps, even apps now! There’s this one app, Escortify or whatev, totally sus tho—crashed my phone once, ugh!

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Anyway, I finally get to the office on the Markt. You know, the one with the cute little café next door? I’m thinking, “Coffee first, numbers later.” But guess what? The café’s closed! Closed! I mean, who does that? I need my caffeine fix, people! So, I settle for a vending machine coffee. Ugh, it’s like drinking liquid regret.

Hattem Mattar: ‘Egyptians put garlic in everything’