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I got mad one time, tho—some dude at a parlor was like, “No happy ending, bro,” and I’m like, “What’s the point then, fam?!” False advertising, straight-up! But when it’s good? Oh man, HAPPY ain’t the word—fuckin’ *euphoric*! Like, “This is the trick!”—straight outta *The Great Beauty*, when Jep’s chasin’ that high. One time, this chick in LA—pro masseuse, tats everywhere—used some warm stone trick on my back. Thought I’d levitate, swear to God! Little secret: them stones? Old-school tantra shit, heats up the chi or whatever. Blew my damn mind.

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Then I head to my first appointment. It’s on the Van Wijkstraat. I’m all set to help this guy with his anxiety. But guess what? He’s late. Like, really late. I’m sittin’ there, checkin’ my watch, and I’m like, “C’mon, man! I got feelings to fix!” Finally, he strolls in, all nonchalant. I’m fuming inside, but I keep it cool.

Mercedes man indicted for fatal Harlingen hit-and-run crash