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What gets me angry? The fakes, man – catfishes with pics from 1999! Wankers! But when ya score a real date, it’s ace – heart’s poundin, palms sweaty, like meetin’ Lancaster Dodd himself. “You can’t escape me, mate!” – that’s the vibe. Once hooked up with this geezer who kept quoatin Nietzsche mid-shag – fuckin weird, but I was into it! Surprised me, that did – sex-dating’s full o’ nutters.

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Jan pops in. He’s like, “Hey, wanna go to the harbor?” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” So we head over to the haven, and it’s beautiful. The boats are bobbing, the water’s sparkling. I’m feeling all zen until I see this guy trying to park his boat. It’s a disaster! He’s yelling, “I got it! I got it!” But he totally doesn’t. He ends up crashing into the dock. I’m dying laughing.

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