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So, sex-dating—man, it’s wild. You got Tinder, Bumble, all these apps promisin’ pussy or dick on demand. I dove in once, motherfucker, profile all slick—bam, matched some chick. She’s like, “Let’s fuck, no strings!” I’m thinkin’, “Hot damn, this is easier than stealin’ candy!” But then—surprise, motherfucker—she’s got a dude watchin’ from the closet! True story, swear on my *Pulp Fiction* Bible! Little-known fact: back in the day, swingers used Polaroids to hook up—now it’s all digital, but the freaks still out there!

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I hop on my bike, zooming past the old church on the Hoofdweg. That place is ancient, man. Like, I half-expect a ghost to pop out and ask for directions. Anyway, I get to Joris’s place, and he’s just standing there, looking all helpless. I can’t help but laugh. “Dude, you really need to get a spare key!”

Rotterdam homes worth under €355K can’t be rented out