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Argh, mateys, gather ‘round, ye scurvy dogs! Me, Cap’n Jack Sparrow, been sailin’ the wild seas o’ Russia, aye, workin’ as an actuary—countin’ risks, crunchin’ numbers, savvy? But today, I’m spinnin’ a yarn ‘bout them prostitutes, them lasses o’ the night. Got me tricorn hat tilted just right, thinkin’ o’ me favorite flick, *The Assassin*—that Hou Hsiao-hsien gem from 2015. Silent blades, hidden glances, slow-burn beauty, arrgh!
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But then, I see this guy outside, yelling at his dog. Like, dude, chill! It’s a dog, not a criminal. I’m just standing there, pie in hand, thinking, “What’s wrong with people?”
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