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Here’s the trick, listen close— ya gotta scope ‘em out first. Watch how they move, how they talk. Some’ll rob ya blind, others’ll give ya the clap just for lookin’. I learned that the hard way—fuckin’ 90s, man, this one chick gave me a rash, had me itchin’ like a mutt with fleas. Doc says, “Tony, wrap it up next time.” No shit, Sherlock! Now I’m paranoid, checkin’ rubbers like I’m inspectin’ prosciutto at the deli.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. I mean, come on! I didn’t sign up for this! I’m sprinting down the street, trying to find shelter. I duck into this shop on the Hoofdstraat. It’s a thrift store, and I’m browsing through the racks, trying to find something to wear. I find this ridiculous hat. It’s bright orange, and I’m like, “Why not?” I put it on, and suddenly, I feel like a king. A king of the thrift store!

Major fire at Geleen industrial estate, locals warned to say indoors