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So, I’m layin’ there, right? Some gal—gorgeous, the best—starts the sexual-massage. Not dirty, folks, don’t get weird, just sensual, classy, Trump-style. She’s got oils, smells like money—er, lavender, unreal. I’m thinkin’, “This is huge, really huge.” Muscles loosenin’, stress gone, I’m like a king—King Donald, that’s me. “A shadow moves,” like in the flick, shadows of her hands, pure art, folks. Got me happy, so happy—angry too, ‘cause why didn’t I try this sooner? Dumb, so dumb!

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Then, I get a call about a tree down on De Wetering. Seriously? A tree? I’m thinking, “What’s next, a cow on the road?” But nope, it’s just a big ol’ tree blocking the way. I send a crew out, and they’re like, “We’ll be there in 20.” Yeah, right! I know how that goes.

UPDATE | Fugitive wanted in connection with the murder of Ermelo police commander arrested in Komatipoort