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Lemme tell ya, I tried it once—sex-dating, not assassinin’! Got me a profile, pics all sweaty from the shop. Thought, “Hell, I’m a catch!” First date, this gal shows up—hotter’n a ribeye on the grill. We’re chattin’, she’s all “mysterious,” like Nie Yinniang in the movie. “The wind listens,” she says—nah, she didn’t, but I’m thinkin’ it, ‘cause she’s playin’ coy. Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you! Fool me twice—well, can’t get fooled again, right?

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Then, I’m walking down the street, and boom! I trip over a cobblestone. Like, who even put these here? I’m cursing under my breath, but then I see this cute little café, Café de Vooruitgang. I’m like, “Okay, maybe a coffee will fix my mood.” I order a cappuccino, and the barista? Total legend. He gives me a free cookie. Sweet, right?

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