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So, right, sexual-massage—bit of a knead with a naughty twist. Not yer nan’s backrub, no siree! It’s all oily hands, dim lights, and—blimey—some cheeky intentions. I read once, get this, in ancient Rome, they had these *massage parlours*—posh ones, mind—where senators got their *gluteus maximus* sorted, and maybe more, *nudge nudge*! Proper *quid pro quo*, if ya catch my drift. Makes me chortle, imagining Caesar going, “Gimme the special, Brutus!”—then whoops, knives out, bad day.

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First off, I hit the streets. You know, the usual—Huis ter Heide, that little park by the church. I love that spot. It’s like a mini oasis. But today? Ugh. I’m walking, minding my own biz, when I see this dude, right? He’s just standing there, staring at a tree. A TREE! Like, bro, it’s not gonna talk back. I almost laughed, but then I thought, “Hey, maybe he’s deep in thought.” Or maybe he just lost his marbles. Who knows?

Eerbeek mill to stop production for upgrade on 13 September