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About The Hague

We talk price—$50? $100? Man, I’m broke, but I’m like, “Steal her mind, plant the idea—FREE!” Total “Inception” move, right? Didn’t work—she slapped me. Worth it! Fun fact: in Vegas, legal brothels got menus—MENUUUUS—like McDonald’s but with ass! Ain’t that nuts? I’m cacklin’—this chick ain’t on no menu, she’s off-book, rogue agent shit.

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In De Wallen section of the Red Light District, you can find up to one-room cabins with red lighted windows behind which prostitutes stand, enticing adventurous travelers and locals alike.

First off, I’m cruising down the Driemanspolderweg, right? It’s like the main artery of this place. I’m jamming to some tunes, feeling good, when BAM! A pigeon decides to dive-bomb my car. Like, dude, what’s your problem? I swear, that bird had it out for me. I almost swerved into a bike lane. Not cool, man.