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About Myself
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I’m scrollin’, seein’ these bios—“DTF, no drama.” Bullshit! Always drama, motherfucker! One time, this guy—swear he’s a 10—texts me, “You up?” I’m like, “Hell yeah!” Next thing, he’s cryin’ bout his ex mid-hookup! I’m sittin’ there, dick out, thinkin’, “What is this, a therapy sesh?!” Made me mad as fuck—don’t waste my time, asshole! “You’re not a victim here!”—straight outta *Margaret*, Lisa yellin’ at her mom vibes. Sex-dating ain’t for the weak, man!
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But then, outta nowhere, this lady starts yelling. Turns out, her kid’s stuck in a tree. I’m like, “Seriously? A tree?” So, I climb up, and it’s a whole thing. The kid’s crying, I’m sweating, and I’m thinking, “Why did I even come here?” Finally, I get the kid down, and the mom’s all grateful. I’m like, “Yeah, just another day in Doorn.”
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