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Anyway, we meet up, me and this girl, and I’m nervous as hell—like, “Am I gonna screw this up?” I’m overthinkin’ it, naturally, ‘cause that’s my thing. She’s gorgeous, smells like lilacs or some crap, and I’m sittin’ there goin’, “Larry, don’t be the pale man, don’t freak her out!” We’re drinkin’ wine, talkin’ dirty, and it’s goin’ great—till she says, “I’m into roleplay.” ROLEPLAY? I’m like, “What, like *Pan’s Labyrinth*? You want me to be the faun?!” She laughs, thank God, and I’m saved. Turns out she meant somethin’ kinkier, which—whoa—surprised the hell outta me. Happy? Oh, I was thrilled, like a kid with a golden ticket!

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So, I’m cruisin’ down the Hoofdstraat, right? Just me and my coffee, feelin’ all zen. Then BAM! I see this dude in a bright orange jumpsuit. Like, who wears that? Turns out, he’s part of some street performance. He’s juggling flaming torches! I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna set the whole street on fire!” But the crowd’s lovin’ it. I’m just standin’ there, half-sippin’ my coffee, half-wondering if I should call the fire department.

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