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So, last week—true story—I’m cruisin’ X, scrollin’ for intel, and some dude posts bout this escort ring, high-end, discreet. Got me thinkin’, “What am I doing with my life?”—straight outta Sofia Coppola’s script! I dig deeper, find a link—boom, profiles, pics, rates. One chick’s bio says “Tokyo vibes, no sleep”—I’m sold, man, sold! Greed kicks in—I want the best, nothin’ less. Text her, set it up, heart’s racin’—half expectin’ a cop sting, half hopin’ she’s Scarlett Johansson’s twin.

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I decide to head to the park, you know, the one by the Dauwendaele Castle. It’s a nice spot, but today it’s packed. Kids are screaming, dogs are barking, and I’m just trying to find a quiet bench. I sit down, and this kid runs by, kicks a ball, and it hits me right in the leg. I’m like, “Seriously?!”

Woman found murdered in Middelburg home was a teacher; No arrests yet