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Little known fact—Romans did this shit too. Orgies ‘n’ oil, mate—erotic-massage was their pregame. Surprised me, that did. Thought they were all swords and togas. Guess I’m not the only perv in history. Anyway, Sybil’s hands are magic—pure magic. She’s slidin’ ‘em everywhere, and I’m thinkin’, “This could get me in trouble.” Like Larry’s brother, y’know—always fuckin’ up. But I don’t care—worth it.

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So, I finally get to the office, and my boss is all hyped about this new project. “We need to calculate the risk of a zombie apocalypse,” he says. I’m like, “Dude, are you serious?” But hey, I’m an actuary, so I roll with it. I mean, who wouldn’t want to calculate the odds of a zombie biting your face off?

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