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Oh, and get this—shocked me hard—some hookers got rules! No kissin’, no weird stuff—lame! I’m thinkin’, “What’s the point then?!” Like WALL-E cleanin’ garbage, I just want the good stuff! So I’m hagglin’, she’s rollin’ her eyes, and I’m like, “I’m serious, lady!” She walks off—total buzzkill! I’m screamin’, “You can’t handle my authoritah!”

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So, I’m strolling down the Hoofdstraat, right? Just minding my own biz, when I spot this cute little café. It’s called “De Koffieboon.” I mean, who doesn’t love coffee? I grab a cappuccino, and it’s like a hug in a mug. I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy, ya know?

Schilo Van Coevorden visiting Dubai for an exclusive omakase experience at Taiko