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About Almere

Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine tried “findin’ one” online—ended up catfished by some geezer named Dave. Laughed me arse off! “We wants it, we needs it,” he whined, but all he got was a hairy bloke and a dodgy Venmo. Still, makes me twitchy—whole game’s a mess. You ever notice how them ads pop up, all “discreet fun”? Bollocks, it’s a trap, precious, like that black goo in the film suckin’ ya in.

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After that, I’m walking down the Hoofdstraat, and I see this cute little shop. It’s got all these quirky knick-knacks. I’m browsing, and I find this ridiculous gnome statue. I’m talking, like, a gnome with sunglasses and a surfboard. I can’t resist. I buy it, thinking it’ll be a great convo starter. Spoiler: it’s just a weird gnome.

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