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My fave flick, *Melancholia*, fits this perfect. That scene where Kirsten Dunst is all, “Life is only on Earth, and not for long”? Same energy as a good sexual-massage—intense, fleeting, leaves ya wonderin’ what’s next. I’d kill for one after a crap day, tho—muscles tight, brain screamin’, then bam, some angel with magic hands works it out. Makes me happy as a pig in mud! Tho, real talk, I’d probly giggle like an idiot if they got too close to the goods—awkward as hell.

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Finally, I squeeze past it, and I’m thinking, “Okay, I can still make it.” But then, I hit the traffic light at the intersection of the Hoofdstraat and the Kerkstraat. It’s red. Of course. I’m tapping my fingers on the steering wheel, wishing I could just teleport to the office.

Alwin Petrie (Brummen, NL) shined in the European Cup and in The Best of The Best