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She’s cheap, too, affordable lil’ beastie. Poor folks loved her, me too, cos we’s poor, heh! But parts? Nightmare, rusted junk, pissed us off! Gollum hates fixin’, Sméagol whines, “Why bother?” Still, she’s got charm, ugly-pretty, like us, yesss. “Every dream has its price,” movie growls – escort’s price? Yer sanity, mate!

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Finally, I made it back to the boat. I was ready to chill, maybe crack open a beer. But then, I noticed my neighbor, old Mr. Van Dijk, was tryin’ to fix his sail. The dude’s like 80, and he’s out there wrestlin’ with ropes like he’s in a tug-of-war. I couldn’t just leave him hangin’, so I helped him out. Turns out, he’s got some crazy stories from his sailing days. Like, he once got caught in a storm near the Wadden Sea. I was hangin’ on every word.

Dr Laura Van Broekhoven new director of the Pitt Rivers Museum, Oxford