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About Tilburg

Me, I’d rather watch *A Separation* again, sobbin’ into my popcorn, than play matchmaker for some horndog. Ain’t my circus, ain’t my monkeys! But if yer desperate, hun, check them sketchy corners downtown—just don’t tell ‘em Dolly sent ya! I’m too busy miscountin’ change and singin’ off-key to “Jolene” in my head—ha! Stay safe, y’all, and tip yer cashier!

Question and answer

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hoofdstraat. Best coffee in town, no joke. I ordered my usual—double espresso, extra shot. The barista, a dude named Joris, was all smiles. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my croissant! Like, seriously? I’m just tryin’ to enjoy my breakfast, and this feathered thief decides to make me his breakfast. I was fumin’! I yelled, “Hey! Get your own food, ya punk!” But the bird just looked at me like, “What’s your problem, human?” Ugh, so annoying.

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