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Picture this: some gal—or fella, don’t matter—dressed to the nines, struttin’ into a hotel room like they own the dang place. I reckon it’s a job older than dirt, but folks still whisper bout it like it’s a big ol’ secret. Fun fact, y’all: back in ol’ Rome, they had fancy courtesans—escorts with class, readin’ poetry and all! Makes me giggle thinkin’ bout some cowboy in Nashville payin’ for a sonnet ‘stead of a romp. Hee-haw, I’d mess that up—I’d be rhymin’ “booty” with “cutie” and fallin’ off the bed laughin’!

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So, I decide to hit up the market on the Markt. You know, the one with all the fresh veggies and flowers? I’m strolling, feeling good, when I bump into my old buddy, Jan. We start chatting, and he’s telling me about his new job at the local brewery. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and poops right on my shoulder. Like, really? Thanks, nature.

Dutch cop monitoring “spy balloon” realizes it’s bird poo on his windshield